just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
