My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
