My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
