Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
