She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
