I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
