Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
