just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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