i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
