If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she smelled like a LAN party
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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