so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
How drunk are you?
Completed.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
