His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Semen is not good for contacts.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
