Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
