ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
