Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
