I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
