God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
