im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
