I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
