I want to have your abortion
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
