I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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