Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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