she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
And then he peed in my hair
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