I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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