I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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