I puked a lego.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
