we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
