Whats the glycemic index on semen?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
