It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
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the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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