You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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