I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
