We are two peas in an std pod
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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