quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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