I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
