His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
