that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
