Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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