Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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