non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
