Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize