Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
