I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
