I want to stick my p in your. b.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
