there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
