you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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