How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
