just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
