I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
