had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
