I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
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By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
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THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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