dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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