i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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