i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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