Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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