K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
