You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
