Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
