This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
