I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
