my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
