am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
