I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
