Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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