I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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