Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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